Impressions

I once thought that at some point in my life I would stop being impressionable. The idea terrified me. Was life to be a waiting game? Would I eventually become an old stick-in-the-mud with warts, cursing teenagers, and complaining about "these days"? My fears were in vain. After these past few weeks, I can kindly rest in comfort. Whenever I meet someone for the first time, it's like creation. A new part of me is born.

The only way I can think to explain it is through chemistry. When two compounds heretofore separated are mixed, the reaction has yet to be experienced in the world. The birth of a new compound and the recording of a new reaction!

I met two gentlemen during the end of this semester who have left undeniable impressions on me. What I want to know is, do good times have to end? Do I have more control over reality than I think? What do I want? Is this happiness?

Pretty common questions. They should be easy and I suppose they are for some but I sure am stumped. How much more messed up can I get? I don't even know what happiness is. I only know the simple things:

1. It's fun being with them.
2. I'd drive across states to be with them.
3. I'm sad to leave them.

Is that selfishness? "Nothing gold can stay" "Let it Linger" "All good things come to an end" I don't know anything anymore. Part of the problem is my inability to talk things out. I am afraid of shame along with assumptions so I drown in the silence between breaths.

This is where my head hits the tabletop. I will go back to the waiting game. I wish to be more but I can't. I want you to want me. But you don't. Here I go, wrapping myself in dunce clothes and being vague.

I'm stumped by every blog, facebook, profile that asks: About me. Shittastic question.