At the beginning of paths taken

I started today rather sluggishly. In a fit of rebellion, I turned my alarm off after graduating from Witt. That being the case, I haven't been up before 9am since the fact.

Today I got up around 11 after having gone to bed around 3am. It felt really strange to wake up in an empty house. I realized that there was not another living soul around me for at least 400 feet. In fact, I can only hear birds and the distant buzz of a plane engine. I'm not sure if it's relaxing or unnerving. It's nearly 3pm and I haven't left my room for any real length of time yet.

I decided to move my furniture about but decided that the 15% downward gradation of the floor counters my placement of desk and bed. I will say it again: old houses are interesting.

Now that I failed to get through to the Austrian Consulate in NYC (I listened to a tape recording whose voice was a dead ringer for the governor of CA) I think i will put on the sneakers and hit the tarmac and sunshine for a few minutes. Then maybe I will make Okonomiyaki (Japanese delicacy) for lunch before getting together supplies for dinner.

On a side note, a darker side note, I can't seem to think or feel anymore. I'm gripped by this industrious drive that inhibits me from feeling much of anything. Although I will sometimes just stop whatever I'm doing and lose myself. I was going through books for storage and I suddenly felt near tears. Memories of Wittenberg and all the friends that I am separated from came to mind. It happened in the kitchen too when I was getting water to drink. It happened when I drove to the store. It's this unhinged quality of my mind that really bothers me. I either feel too sad for words or only an ache like I forgot to plug in my heart that morning. I am perplexed. There is a reservoir inside that I cannot keep filled. I miss all my friends. I miss their happiness and their company that had become my life.

Time for sunshine and thoughts about the pain in my lungs and legs rather than the pain in my heart.